I must be going insane but something seriously snapped. It's like trying to grip something too tightly and you only realize after it's broken into pieces too intricate and too complicated to repair. Maybe it's easier to believe I fucked this up, because throughout everything, blaming myself for this sort of thing has been easier. I thought I heard something and I'm not sure if I heard right. I kind of feel like vomiting or crying now, not feel as in a want to... Feel as in either could inevitably happen. It's that acid settling in the pit of your stomache and burning away at your insides. It's not knowing what you can do to make someone laugh or smile or tell you they love you. It's someone knowing you so well they know when you're upset and you hate them and love them at the same time for it. It's knowing when they're upset even when they go on denying it. Maybe I should just let myself trust what was said though and let this all smooth itself out. I owe it all that much. Everyone will be happy again soon enough, right? I'll be happy again soon enough? Apparently my mom told my dad some stuff about me that's been long since in our discussions. He's really awkward with the subject now so I'm guessing she went with the whole nine yards. I keep being scared I'm a dissapointment. Maybe I am. Maybe getting to know Danielle Beth is a let down in the end. I'm predictable and cliqued, I keep running back to what's familiar or keeping up friendships I know are unhealthy. I'm not going to get out. It also means I won't be doing something incredibly cold that I thought would be coming soon enough. Revenge wouldn't have ended in my favor anyway. I'm fucked. I'm doomed... And for about the millionth time this year for various reasons that aren't comprehendable or understandable, I'm breaking down. Is there anything I can say now to make the butterflies come back? God damnit. I love her.