So sometimes the clock seems to play tricks on me and the people's pace isn't all that slow, but it feels slow and like the time from now and happiness just drags on and on. Sometimes you feel like just strangling anyone and everyone in your path and your mouth goes dry when you see those side conversations that aren't for your eyes or your ears but they equal certain forget of you whether the individual involved thinks so or not. And sometimes all that keeps me walking and not running away from everyone and everything is a huge smile, or a hug, a high five from Sunshine, or even a little punch on the shoulder because then I know I've got a reason for not getting the hell out of here. I've got these friends that I'd go so crazy without... Whether they're older friends or new ones with the potentional to be greater, it makes getting up worth something more then walking blindly through the halls. Somebody slap me or pinch me or punch me... Just get my brain back on track. I was doing so well and it was easy to pretend I didn't have feeling period... But I do. And right now it's envy. It's like he gets to have everything that means something to me including my best friend... This is so unjustified, but I still wish it was me that was going to see her.