I hate that I can't make anyone happy anymore. I hate that people don't laugh at me and that a good portion of my hugs are never returned. I hate that I just take people off my buddy list online when I don't want to deal with even casual conversation. I'm such a chicken. I'm taking advantage of everyone else's feelings. I'm selfish. I know what I want, but I'm not going to open up my mouth and confess. Instead, I'm just going to continue on hurting people or telling half-truths because I'm so afraid of what would happen if I just poured out everything to everyone. That's the beauty of white lies... Not even white lies, because hell, I'm not even sure I believe myself with some of the things I've been doing to friends anymore. Friends. That's it. Don't even put this into the category of relationships or romantic feelings just yet. Yes, a couple references are relating more to that, but for the most part, this is more about friends in general and how no one knows the full story. It seems like I'm someone different to just about everyone... And I can't seem to bring myself to tell the three people I'm most open with how much I appreciate and care about them. I do though, and for those three people, I'd do just about anything. For two out of three, I'd give up my entire world to make sure they were happy because they mean that much to me. Funny, only one of them probably realizes who they are and knows how important they are to me. For the other two people that I share most everything with, I don't think I've ever told them how much their friendship means to me and how appreciated they are. Which is funny, because maybe I wouldn't be in this predicament now if I did.