I feel so empty. Blood work sucks. My arm is so sore. I'm down to 106 lbs. Debbie kept bitching blah blah blah that's not healthy, gain weight. She's never happy though with my weight. I'm always too much or too little. It's never just right. I woke up today but honestly it feels like I'm still asleep. It's like in a way, I never actually woke up. I thought I was literally going to pass out all morning and even driving to the doctors felt like I was in a trance. Even now, I can scream, I can cry, but it's like I have this feeling of complete stoicism somewhere in my head. Maybe the paint is getting to me. Somehow it all feels like I never woke up today and like it was all a waste of time. I don't think I can explain this even if I wanted to. I don't even know what the hell I wanted to hear tonight. I can't get my dream from last night off my mind and I'm afraid there's some truth to it. She seemed so out of it tonight or maybe it was just me. I just wanted to make her happy. I just... I give up. This entry is a waste of space. I need to go back to sleep.