Its so hard to talk to Dallan now. It seems as though he would rather be somewhere else, anywhere else but there. Yesterday he told me he loves me, that he's always loved me. I'm so in love with him that it hardly matters to me if he's always loved me. He acts like he doesn't care when we are hanging out at band for the minimal moments we have together there. I am so confused because he says he loves me but he treats me indifferently, like a friend. When I started band last year, everyone who knew Christ (She's my older sister and a band legend) thought and seemed to expect that I would be just like her. Almost everyone. Dallan didn't, which is why I was drawn to him so much at first. Then I started to get to know him and started to fall for him. Band trips were amazing because we were on the same bus and often sat together (although we didn't need to, there were enough seats on our bus that everyone on that bus could have had their own seat, but a bunch sat with their friends). On one such occasion we were coming home from a parade we had done and I didn't feel very good so he kept saying "Sleepy sleepy sleepy," and had me sleep against him, with his arm around my waist. This happened again after a few cometitions as well. It always felt so good to let him hold me. But then on the way home from one of the competitions, Hollie, one of my friends, was riding our bus and he sat with her and while I was asleep, he asked her out. I felt like I had been decieved, even though nothing had happened between myself and Dallan to constitute my jealousy, doesn't that always happen? At any rate, they didn't last very long as a couple. A few months later, after band season was over, Dallan asked me out. I was esatic (That was a short-lived relationship, although I daresay shorter than his and Hollie's. 15 hours.) Yes, we are still friends and he has hinted once or twice of our becoming more than friends when I am 16. I just hope that he really feels that way about me. July 13, 2005 My friend is telling me to forget about him and I think she is right. She's always right about things like that. She says that since he tells everyone that he loves them that it isnt special anymore and she's right. Stupid...I am so stupid. Dallan, if you are reading this, I lied yesterday when you asked what I gave up on. I should have just said it, but I didnt. I give up on you. You aren't worth it anymore, and there is nothing more to say than that. You make promises you dont keep and you say you've always loved me and yet you have yet to prove it. I give up on you.