I have been so miserable the last few days and it took until last night to figure out why. I was listening to the radio the other day and I heard a familiar song but I can't remember who sings it. I don't remember anything but the corous now. "How far do I have to go to make you understand I wanna make this work so much it hurts but I just can't keep on giving, go on living with the way things are So I'm gonna walk away and ITS UP TO YOU TO SAY how far." I read Dallan's diary last night when I got back from the Day of Celebration dress rehersal and realized that I might have been frustrated or hurt but that I was wrong. I am so in love with him that his indifference to me hurt. I really love him and I don't know what I would do without him. Of course, now its too late and it hurts more than ever because I know I blew it, and I know there's nothing that I can do. All of my frustration in one blow ruined things and I don't know what I am going to do...I love him. I've lost him. I didn't want to lose him. I wanted to be with him so badly it hurt. I didn't want to lose him.. *tears*