so i woke up.. unemployed at 6 30 am. sat around. ate. watched tv. played games. then watched atlantis and got up to say goodmorning to my mother but all she could say is that i need to do dishes. um hey mom. okay whats sam doing today? she is helping me open the bar... o. yah so you can do something for once. sorry mom i didnt know that me working and getting money to pay for my horse would piss you off so much. so i washed dishes and attempted to find my snake and of course i couldnt find him. but i found a bag, it looked suspicious so i looked in it. to find a huge court file of my stepdad. and read horrible things in it. mostly of him trying to get her to fly to sacremento (one way ticket) and him and his sister would kill her.. then later on read that. if he couldnt find her he knew where her children lived. thats a warm feeling. i always knew he hurt my mother and attempted killing her and himself. but i never knew he would attempt to do it me. i hate the past. now its catching up to me. as my mom is making stupid decisions again. hanging at the bars not working as much and meeting up with different guys. i can tell its starting to take affect again. i read one file my mom made about how financially we were losing money and how we had a bond on our house and if he didnt come to court our house would be in foreclosure. things did get better... i mean my stepdad went to jail twice but my mom would take him back. and knowing that he was attempting to kill all of us just put me back in the spot as if it was our past again. i hate it. i hate knowing that. other people can walk around and have what you call have a normal life. but now i walk around knowing that i could of died because of a drugged up stepfather that my mother chose to have come back repeatedly. it could have been a one way ticket for all of us... i feel as if im losing contact of all my friends. just makes me feel sad. i dont like being sad