school was fast.. almost failing math .. oh well went with jeff and adam to go get a new game that was cool. went to ambers mom picked me up came home... mom left she didnt have to work. she decided to go to a bar in maynard or something...with this nasty butch guy that sends me nasty texts at the bar and he is like 40 and i have never met him ever so i feed the animals water snakey, and eat ramen noodles and sit down to play my new game so i play it and then like 10 minutes later jason walks in and thinks i suck at it so he tries to take the controller and im already pissed that i come home by myself and sit here by myself so i just turn it off and go in my room after hearing one of jasons phone conversations that just pissed me off more, so i lay down and listen to the usual depressing music and start to cry... a little later dustin comes in and says to wake up then notices and asks whats wrong i say im pissed he says why? and you know what i say.. nothing. because he is a usual friend of my moms and if i say something he will just be like ... well patti blah blah blah and it will just make me more sad and mad when people cant understand anything i say. so he leaves .. tells jason im mad. so jason comes in and does the same routine.. whats wrong.... nothing i say. well lifes to short to be pissed. and i say the usual. i wish life was shorter. i mean does my mom not notice how alone, tired, mad, and sad i am. constantly... i cant even laugh unless sam is with me.what is there to be happy about living here. its like this house is mine. all mine and im some lonely girl with a million pets to keep me company. when something happens that seems to be ok. i tell someone and they say thats stupid. i try to tell other people things and they just make a joke about it... i wrote out my future in my notebook...so i will just write some of it on here. i will struggle to graduate in high school.. maybe get into 2 years at ridgewater get a apartment with a friend. finish school. try to find a okay job. get some money buy a little house. maybe find someone i want to share my life with and actually share it with just one person and not jump through boyfriends constantly. or i will just grow to be a failure. thats what i am... i want to have another class with jeff hes fun to talk to. that wont happen oh well i have a class with sam. surgery was 2 days ago. it hurts still i take all the pills in the world but that just makes me tired.. i almost fell asleep at 4 at ambers house. either or im just used to sleeping all the time. eh goodnight