i should talk to my mom about how i feel. except i know in these circumstances i know she wont listen or atleast try to relate. like im sad ya know... underneath my smile im slowly starting to sink. i can feel it. not like i want to go and get drunk or get high. its not like that its just that i have certain people that i still love and miss and i know its people she doesnt like. but im almost 18 now. and im growing up. and i learned from the mistakes i made 4 months of being gone was pretty much an eye opener ya know.. and yet i still feel like none of that mattered to her.. im getting agitated and angry because i want to be understood. and nothing i can say will change that. im accepting it but it just depresses me... i want to go to willmar friday and come back sunday but she like talked to my dad and changed up everything... she is bringing me to willmar saturday?? what... why cant i just make this plan myself... i know she doesnt trust me but i wish sometimes she would let me do something on my own.. i cant fuck up anymore.ugh. i dont know. its kind of annoying. actually really annoying i dont want to bring anyhing up it will just cause problems