so im feeling really confused. i have found out that 1 person likes me and another one wants to get to know me better so he could like me... i dont want that.i dont like to hurt people.and usually that happens when those situations show up... but i cant think about those people, not now. so maybe i am mean to my mom... but she ignores me. wade has started to live here and they cant stay away from eachother i come out of my room to go sit on the couch you know actually attempt to be part of this "family" but i end up being so fucking annoyed by them touching eachother constantly so i get up sit on the other couch say a few mean things that really are how i dont like how they always have to touch eachother then my mom tells me to go back in my room.?see i dont get...do i sit in my room cause i feel like im not wanted or do i sit in there cause i am actually not wanted.I havent talked to my dad but i know that he is going to call me again to remind me of how much i am a failure to him.i dont think im a failure... but am i? Jason hasnt been paying my mom for living here so now he just leaves till like 2 in the morning...but it sort of sucks sometimes cause atleast when he is sober and here i can talk to him. I just still cant believe that tony was extended ... i cant wait 6 more months i just want to see him. amber might be grounded for awhile so its going to be really slow for me during the weekends atleast we could be bored together then be alone. so randy blew me off.and that made me sad but him and alissa are going out now so i guess i should get used to that. which i basically have with everyone except for amber. Dustin came over one night and i made him leave and made it clear that i hate him that made me feel better. my mom quit her job again..one of these days the casino wont be there for her and were going to be poor.i even had a dream that we lost everything cause she blew it all at the casino. i dont think anyone relizes how sad i am here.or maybe they dont want to think that. but it really hurts to be alone. it really does. and i know i have started some habits that bother my family.but you know what,i could be worse. i could still be like that night on jasons stephens bathroom floor covered in puke.thanks for bringing it up all the time...i mean cant anyone just drop it.i dont like what i did.so when you keep telling me that.it makes me feel more horrible. im talking to cole.god its weird its been so long and sometimes i wish it was longer... i will be his friend..but nothing more its 8 10 and im going to bed