i cant swallow its hard to stand without getting dizzy and needing to sit down i cant sleep anymore i dont eat i walk like 10 steps and its hard to breathe iv lost eleven pounds in a matter of 3 weeks whats wrong with me i cant even think i want to try and be me but i cant. this just hurts to much im so cold im so pale i have to puke but i have nothing to puke up i just want to ask the doctor to shoot me and put me out of my misery. its getting harder to breathe i shake i cant smell anything without getting a gross feeling to my stomach i blow up and cry for pointless reasons i took how many tylenol but its just making me feel even more horrible i hate the fact that my dad thinks im anorexic and i dont get enough sleep. sometimes i wonder if he would ever have a clue about all the shit that i ended up doing for what? no reason at all just the fact that my mom lost all trust in me my sister just thinks im a total burnout or something and all her friends think im just.... nothing? its not because of drugs why i feel this way i know why but writing about it on here would just cause how many more problems and i think i have enough of them already now that i look at it. i dont understand this world is just full of surprises but why am i stuck with the ones that just make me want to die cause the pain that im feeling right now is worse than death its physical pain to... emotionally iv been really low but its just random spurts i hurt now everywhere my hands are tingling i think im going to faint today or just basically fall off of the world and not exist anymore that would be so much better