this week has been tough. i think of death and nate every second i get. if i dont keep myself busy i get upset and mad about why we have to go through times like these. i dont want my life to be taken away in a car accident when one my friends are taking me home. i want to die as an old lady looking back in her years and saying i lived to the fullest and my heart isnt missing a thing. but im so scared, paranoid more than before of everything. but i cant go through life being scared!!! help!! i just miss nate. i went to the viewing it was horrible, i lost it. thoughe the pictures they had set up were great. so i didnt go to the funeral. i felt bad, but i would of never made it. i have changed alot even in this past week. and i still have more to work on. i think through out my life i will be going through so many changes. i just dont want to have any enemies. or like they say keep your friends close but your enemies closer. so im working harder to accomplish my dreams. and i wont screw up if i have a chance with this *guy*. but i have to work at it. and go slow. and im working hard to keep friends and lower the amount of people i hate. im starting to be more happier. and its a great feeling. this is my turning point.