id make this private but the only person 2 hide is from would be bryan and that would only piss him off *and i had 2 get it out so here it goes* almost 2 am cant sleep school tomorrow jus watched 'boy meets world' lol made me bawl why did i have 2 wake up to watch that on my tv? it was the episode where they went to a ski lodge and corey kissed that other girl and lied to his g/f yea old school show but that didnt hold back the tears i dont know of any other show or episode show type thing ive ever watched that can relate more closly of my life if i made a movie about my life it would be sold out 20 weeks striaght im sure.... so full of un nessasary drama i wish id get amnesia and get the past but i cant and wont its a good thing the past happened tho cuz i leared from it: dont trust boys dont let people lie to you hate hoes always be suspicious dont let ur boy around girls so its okay... i suppose. im just hurting right now and nobody knows this pain. to vent anger lately ive been destroying pillows... take a knife and slit it as if i were slitting a throat (deep and slow) then stab the shit out of it.... its usually unrecignizable when im done i often wondered how bryan kissed chelsy... soft and passionate like he kisses me? or ruff and furious like he wanted it bad... sorta like when were humpin but the night b4 easter he kissed me and said thats how he kissed her. ill never 4get that night, it was the 1st time i told him i hated him and i cried so hard in front of him,, i tried to push him out of amandas car too then me mel and manda went to my house and got trashed i tried to kill myself but i went with him the next day hangover and all *so we could talk it out* more cry it out really it wasnt till later i found out he had done this to me again... when i 1st told him i loved him i ment it i dont say anything i dont mean and he said it to but must not have ment it b/c he suddenly stopped caring just like that and went off and found any 'random hoe' no NOT u bena! lol i love ya s/n tho baby gurl ((randomhoe)) woot! yea but thats what he did and all the while he was buying me gifts 4 v-day trying to get my ass back? dunno if thats the right story but i still sit here wondering about the kisses. we fought tonight that didnt help were going to homecoming together despite the terrible dance last year im scared it will end like that i hope he will stay the night i made a good point today at lunch he doesnt want me to look at chad so i said its no different than going to hooters and looking at girls.... bt ur lookin at their features not like im starrin at his pants wondering how big he is. prolly the best point ive ever made he didnt argue either well i duno what else 2 say im depressed as hell. 2:09 lol goodnight