i have a damn peice of metal from a razor blade stuck in my poor finger. its small but hurts. trick or treat is tomorrow. heather is coming over, were going together lol. were going to FREEZE! bryan came over yesterday at 8 =o) it made me happy 2 see him. he looked so adorable, kinda preppy but ADORABLE! i could tell he's really stressing about this, and i know he's upset. but its the only think i know to do now. i cant sit there the whole winter and pretend like im okay and stay home while he's out having fun 24/7. i cant just worry my life away hopeing he's not being 'himself' i hear: ive changed, i wont, i promise, and trust me way too damn many times. and 99% thats all been a lie. its funny how the second we have a problem he runs 2 his diary to tell all. but when were fine he never has anything to say. its like he loves the drama. he never says shit about our good days. he really makes me look like an evil bitch too, but seriously i just cant sit there all winter and cry worry wait and become more depressed and suicial with every passing day. alls he seems 2 care is that he gets it 'his way' he doesnt care that it will mentally fuck me up or anything :( i love him to death but he wont drop this. i told him we can have a closer non-fighting BETTER relationship for the next two months. then in winter we can split. and i told him just to drop it for now & not think about it. but he wont. he called after he got home from my house. we talked more about it he cried ='o( and said please dont leave me. i wanted to cry. i cried myself to sleep last night cuz of this. bet he thinks he can change my mind. i really hope he doesnt believe that. he says he doesnt wanna be my friend when we split so starting now im taking my own lunch 2 school and using my own locker. lol so independant he thinks this bothers him and not myself but he's wrong it kills me :( and its not a matter of him choosing 'it or me' cuz no matter what were done in the winter. i just dont trust it. the only thing that really haunts my thoughts is that he replaces me right away. i said we could get back together after winter. which seems fair, neither of us will replace the other and we'll be fine. but he already said he worries ill come back with std's lol. and i worry that he'll end up doing whats he's done 2 me soooo many times b4. i think its good that we wont be together n the winter, b4 long he would stop stressing it. and he'd enjoy it. and he can do it as often as he likes. :( this is really upsetting me :/ oh well anyways he'll be driving then. driving himself there which is another reason we HAVE TO BE over. cuz on top of it all... thats the major issue. i told him i wasnt looking 4ward to him getting his liscense 4 the longest time. if nothing else i begged that he'd never have another girl in his car *at least until were over 4 good* but that seems like a mear fantasy wish. Q&A 10. what would u do?