Tonight I found myself standing upon a self-revelation. I sometimes wish that I would get invited to things that would make me feel, accepted, by older people or by younger, or even my own age. Maybe Reyna or Jake or them would take time out og their busy day to talk to me. Maybe a party of some sorts. Earlier a joke, I think, really set me straight about some things. Someone said that, upon me asking why I wasn't invited, "I wasn't old enough". I'm older than that person was. Now I know this was a joke, but even so, I guess people see me as immature. Then from that, I noticed that even people younger than me don't want to hang out all that much. I counted, and got even more depressed, that the people I hang out with constantly, arent necesarily even m best friends. I hang out with Brandon, Peter, Erin(who Lindsay doesn't like me hanging out with), Michael, Robert,Daniel and I think thats it. Out of those people I think the only real friends are Brando, Rob, and Micheal. Or at least people I can trust. Then of course there's Lindsay. It's wierd, right now it feels as if a wind is blowingin my house, huge gusts at a time, through me, then moving on. Like life. Is this how it's going to be? Me and two friends, that aren't even the same group, meaning that I hang out with them at different times. FUCK! I forgot to call Peter. I keep forgetting, and It's like i'm forgetting him. Man I'm doing great. So I guess I'm being antagonistic because I'm picky about my friends. I don't know why being told I'm not ol enough made me realize all these thins, and now I'm super-O depressed. Here are some lyrics: If you fail to see a problem, (which I find hard to believe) Or if you're hanging on the branches licking honey from the leaves you say "the hopelessness of living, the childishness of suicide!" But there's a call to love my brother that can never be destroyed however much you talk. However well you talk you make a certain sense. It's still only stupid talk. However much I strut around. However loud I sing the shining one inside me won't say anything. Oh to want one thing! Purity of the heart is to want one thing. You'll remind me that I said you were a quiet bed in all my noise to rest. Well I was charming you at best. And you remember, dear, when I said "My coming here was like a terrible fall!" As we crept like thieves along your bedroom hall. I'd come down and touch your eyelids, but if you stay up too late I'll throw you back into the cupboard with the chipped and dirty plates like the carnival game with the bottleneck and rubber ring. Even if you win, even then you don't win. All I want is to want one thing. That's Leaf, one of my favorite songs. I'm happy with how my life is. I think. Don't be sad that you said it, it was just a joke, and I would have thought about this stuff sooner or later. It probably doesn't even seem so sad from another person's point of view. Maybe just pathetic.