I balled up and told Jordan how I was feeling. It was SO hard actually saying the feelings I was feeling, like normally I just block out everything in those situations. I talked to my momma and it turns out I get that from her I guess. I haven't cried for real in SO long, it literally hurt my eyes. After I woke up, my eyes were on fire for like 2 hours. I hate looking weak, especially with Jordan so that was even harder. I don't think she cried at all though. So she knows how I feel, I guess that is good. I feel like she has control now, which is weird. I feel powerless right now, which I deserve. How do you apologize for things like this? You can't. God, what I'd do to take this back. The worst part is that I've been thinking about this for weeks, miserable for weeks, and when I finally let it out, I can't even form a proper sentence. I zoned out, lost focus, and made myself look like a fool. I kept saying "like" as well. How do you take someone serious when it sounds like they're making it up as they go along? You can't, I guess. Ok. Long boring day, bed time. Hopefully I can call her before bed.