I can't talk to anyone anymore! Stupid phone. I talked to Georgia today, it was really hard. We were both being nice, but there was a lot we weren't saying, that whole thing. I haven't heard Jordan's voice in a while, it was nice. It sucks though, the only way I seem to have contact with her is through texts, and that is gone. I gotta call her more, but I don't wanna crowd her shit. mmmm Jedi Mind Tricks. Get some. Today was basically pointless. Read some, but whatever. I didn't do shit. My food drawer is the SHIT. So kool. So Nicole is planning next semester. 20 units, fuck, but lots of morning time to run. Plus a job tho. FUCK. This book is for like teens, I've read like 200 pages in roughly 2 hours, of really easy reading lol. Lots of work tomorrow, sort of. Studying too. Janalee wants to be bfgf. I didn't say anything, she didn't want to be exclusive before, so why should I know right? I think I'm over-thinking though. I'm happy enough, so why not? Mostly I wanna keep my options open I guess. I'm happy enough with not being together, but pretending otherwise. She has this habit when we are alone of talking in a lil kid voice, like a cutie lil voice? I don't think I'm having any of that. With other people it is ok, but alone it is a lil weird. Lots of little things slightly bug me, but overall I am content. Tomorrow I need to do laundry. Why can't anyone be the perfect balance like Jordan? So lame. It is SO fucking hard to be straight edge right now. Like to an INSANE degree. I am doing okay, but I feel like it wont hold out. It is a little scary too. Like I don't agree with how straight edge is currently, like I appreciate and love it's foundations, but I think most straight edge kids don't understand. They completely disregard things without questioning them, and that is a little silly. It is just really hard. My favorite music is straight edge influenced, my ideologies are as well. I donno. Kate thinks it would be a good idea for me to try drinking over the break so A) I can't fuck anything up because I'm not near friends mostly and B) I can be controlled and C) so I can see how I really feel about the whole thing I'm pretty sure I would just do it, then realize I still hate it, and be good again, but I would rather not have to go through all that poison just to reaffirm my shit. I'm just confused. I am just now getting sleepy. Not too bad I guess. Stupid digital camera needing charging. Ain't having it. Analogue doesn't have this problem... My tumblarity is on the RISE! I am just rambling now. I hope Jordan is awake. She sleeps normal now, and I hate waking her, but I also hate when she doesn't answer her phone, and both are 100% likely. Ont he phone I said I didn't need her(for what I called her for), then instantly forgot, then she said that I didn't need her anymore and I was like, "I will always need you!" in my head. I was so shocked that she would think that, not realizing why she said it. Ok. We'll see if I call her. Night.