I want you to know what I'm going through. I honest to God did not think it was going to be this hard. Everythings in boxes because I can't wake up and look at them. Today I think was the hardest, when it hit me the worst. In first period we had an activity, where Levin would bring up a topic, and you would either walk to the yes portion of class, or the no, or anywhere in between. He asked if Ventura was your home. I was in the middle, alone, most of the people on the yes side, and Lindsay on the no side. He asks her why, and she says because she wants to live in Europe, and Levin says," You better pack your bags Kiefer". Dead fucking silence. So I'm about to cry when Jackson says "Awkward" and people started to laugh including Her. That really killed me. Like gunshot wound shit. The worst of it al is I'm trying so hard to get over it. Everything is harder for me, but everythign looks so easy for her. It's like all of the weight that was on her is gone, and got put on me or something. All of a sudden, she has a million friends, she hangs out with all seniors, like I wasn't mature enough or something. And I honestly have less than fond feelings for Christian. "He is the epitome of the best guy friend you could ever have. And such a gentleman. I think I'll miss his laugh the most. I'm smiling right now just thinking about it. " So basically I'm a fucking bastard or something. I wont deny it, maybe I'm not the bigges gentleman on Earth, but I'm not bad either. EVERYTHING SUCKS! I don't know who my friends are, except for a few amazing friend who I'll always trust, and I've known for ever. You knwo those people, the ones you can't even imagine being without? I have few. But I'm getting a lot of those frinds, the ones that are like, man we should chill more, and then you do, and you just fall in love with them? Then two are Marines and leave in a few months. Or get into alchohal and drugs and decide they're more important, or find out about sex and make it the number one priority, or forget how to live for yourself and no one else, or how to stand strong for your beliefs and opinions even if they are controversial. If I take all these into consideration, I have one friend. He'll read this soon. And prom? What does it represent now? It's not love anymore, it can't be my success as a student, getting through High School, no. I'm not sure how it's going to go. The only actualy couple is Brandon and Katie. OOh OOOh, Brandon may not be what I wrote above, but like Robert, he's one of the most loyal friends I have. Props for you and Robert. Me and DeAndra are close now. We take photos together, artsy stuff, it's rad. But my parents, especially momma, keep talking about Her, and i want them to shut the fuck up, it's gone, it's over, and not coming back. Then I finally get a shine of happiness, when me and Jordi start to talk again, but school comes, and I didn't see her once. That got torn away pretty fast, didn't it? So basically, this has been one of the hardest times of my life, even if I don't show it, temptations, many of which I've overcome, and a slight few I have not. Today I stand, to watch you fall That's just to say I've had enough Not even you Can stop me now My heart moves on can't stop me now.