Fuck God damn I look great, and I feel like I have no one to use it on. I went on our first official date with Hanh. Sushi. I'm doing better than the last few girls. Before, I would like them, get them, then drop them. This time, I got her, still like her just ever so slightly, BUT she is way too into me. I guess I should be excited, but I just don't give a fuck. I have such a terrible outlook on women now. Dating as well, maybe even love. Life even possibly. I want to get married, not for love, but for financial aid. I just don't know who would marry me paha. Hanh is totally pretty, ripped, athletic, not stupid in fact she practically lives at the library, and is cool enough. I just don't have that click. I don't think I'm doing it right. I want to get a click, but it is sorta like if I don't get one immediately I don't want the person anymore. I don't remember how long it took last time, or if it was just instantaneous. I guess I don't really care overall. I mean I'm not worried about getting hurt, I just don't want to hurt other people. I am sort of getting a reputation though, which is funny. So I need to get a meeting with an Art adviser. no I dont want to be the one who lives a lie but never knew it. Damn your bitterness Emery. Even normal fun shit isn't fun. Video game competition? Nah boring. Cards? Nah boring. Apparently I'd rather do this, listen to Emery, and read, and paint. My new leather jacket is so dope. Like fuck me good. I am so mad at Jordan right now. Not like the rage kind of mad, but the why is everything so difficult for me mad. She is having hard times too, but has a steady boyfriend who she calls her boyfriend. I'm using the word so sparingly, but shes on top of it I guess. I called her like three nights in a row, all for different reasons, but all for the same reason, and all three nights no answer. My mind wanders too, so this wasn't fun. I need to make up my fucking mind on how I am going to live my life. I think I'm going to work on my painting some more.