i just figured i should update, there isnt really much to say...well my brother got out, DA dropped charges. I got the NIRVANA cd, got clothes and besides that i have just been thinking and reflecting alot...and i can honestly say i hurt myself thinking...yupp! weird, but true. For a while here i felt okay, and like i was doing good, that i didnt need the things i am attached too...it felt good to be like i dont need it, but it all ended and now i hold on more when it kills me. i really dont know anybody anymore...myself included, the whole in general, and it sucks. i mean the feeling i have makes me feel as if everyone around me can see like a huge flaw and everything...when for years i have tried to hide myself from society in general. now..i cant continue to hide, i honestly cant...i am to weak and i dont have what i need to stay strong. so once again i will fail and people will find it amusing. like they always do. no matter what, i will have someone to deal with and i dont want to...i am not sure what to do. i can expect to get along with ppl when i dont know me and i cant get along with myself, that is like nearly impossible, but i would rather know who they are than who i am....because i dont matter.