i am so tired of convincing myself that everything is ok, that I will be alright, and that people do care. Everytime i get myself up and ok, it all falls down within moments. i am tired of sitting here trying to not cry when he ignores me...but just knowing he don't care makes it so much easier to cry! i try not to be a bitch, but inside i am killing myself. i cry constantly because i know everything is getting further and further away as the seconds pass. i always try to stop myself from iming him, from bringing more and more pain to myself. i try to tell myself that this is bad, that i shouldnt be like this. i know he isnt the one for me, i tell myself over and over yet i just cant live it. i know it, i believe it, yet i cant just drop it all! honestly, i mean i smile everytime his s/n pops up, i waste all my time thinking about him, yet i know he dont ever think of me. i know he dont care no matter how much he hurts me, no matter how much he makes me cry, no matter how much i feel like dying. he doesn't care, nor ever will! he is everything to me, it sucks. i mean i hate to feel like this, yet i still do! no matter how much pain i am in, he always makes everything feel alright, makes me second guess life. then i just have my heart broken again and again...people just say oh he is ur friend just be happy. how is he my friend when it feels like he hates me? no matter how much he denies it, i feel that way! so as for now, i will sit here crying, trying to convince myself that it is all ok.