by brokenwords
Listening to: all that i've got
Feeling: explosive
so called life...filled with ignorance,
consumed with fear and pain.
i was a fool to think you'd be there,
to think even a part of you'd care.
Childish to love you like i do,
Stupid to base me around you
especially since i knew the way you thought,
the things you felt, i knew it all.
My so called "heart" has the best of me,
overpowering my will to not care,
my hope to never be here.
just another empty liar,
trying to be a someone,
instead of a nothing.
just another pathetic girl,
trying to be liked,
instead of hated.
Merely a small actress in this drama.
Looking for the process in which i can live,
where i can be happy, look good, be nice...
just removing this fear, depression and pain.
You just sit, criticizing me, always having the best of me.
bringing me to tears, will no need to fight,
cause i am reassured i'll fail,
no matter the night.
I dont want to feel this small,
i dont want to be this helpless child.
******************************************************
i've never been okay, nor ever will.
i just need to learn this pain is real
its no longer a game, a movie or a play...
simply my life. day after day.
i cant close my eyes and wish myself away,
i cant call a fairy god mother to save the day,
there is no prince charming to awake me,
i've wasted too much time looking for such things,
fairy tales have died, when i realized its a lie.
i've prolonged this day,
with hopes it would just forget,
and let me continue wishing on a fairy tale life.
i feared to open my eyes, and see reality,
after all these fairy tales are perfect,
their everything i had ever seen.
a simple kiss under rain drops from a dark sky,
an elegant dress for that one special date,
a glass slipper in which your love is formed.
all so romantic at one point,
but now just a fucking hell,
which they never bothered to tell.
i have given up on a fairy tale life,
the movies all are lies,
now here i sit and cry because
these things aren't within my reach.
Perfection is not an option for me,
love is no where to be found,
held, heard or touched.
just a simple page,
a one sentence book.
I love you is one thing i'll never hear,
happiness is one thing i'll never feel.
For my life is nothing,
no story book, movie or play.
******************************************************
everytime i see his screen name
sign online, make that memorizing noise,
i begin an all time high,
so heavenly which i hate to fall out of.
Just the thought alone makes me happy.
Yet, that high soonly fades away
as you have nothing to say.
hoping that for once you will talk all night through,
lets just talk how we used to,
hours at a time, random as can be.
within minutes my heavenly high,
just a memory within my soul..
as a tear begins to fall.
happiness replaced with depression,
smiles with frowns.
i fall from the cloud feeling
fast and land hard.
lately its like hello means goodbye,
just never enough time,
enough window space,
and i am always the one you chose to erase.
******************************************************
<3