looking into the past, depression always got me at my best, nearly every night i had to find a reason, a reason to drop the knife... to not do this action i'd long regret. this action i always turned to... the thought became my only friend. now as i gaze into his eyes i know happiness has been found, but living the life i have, i cannot admit this. no not even now. i live looking into your eyes, and loving the smile i could always count on... i thought it was different this time... maybe happiness was right. i admitted it, happiness got me this time... everything felt so right... that thought of fear was no longer there. yet like what goes up...it must come down. i believed i was truly happy... now look at this girl who is a wreck. i smiled for to long, and blushed to much, that happiness i finally believed in, the moment i admit it to the world, it falls to the ground...my walls were once again torn down. nothing will go right for long, and everytime my walls come down, you disappear yet again and i cant help but cry. then like my entire life i think... i have nothing better to do, just take that knife. the knife which can never leave no matter how demented i am, the knife which i can forever count on to be a friend.