i fuckin hate this. i hate how i dont get told shit, how i have to find out from other people. i fuckin hate how i am barely getting a "hello" i fuckin hate how i only get an am like every half hour and it is like 2 words. i fuckin hate life. i hate sitting here crying when not a damn person cares, i hate having feelings for people who dont even acknowledge my presence, i fuckin hate trying to be happy, i fuckin hate smiling and pretending like i am okay. i dont know why i fuckin care or why i try because the people i want to care wont! they dont and it fuckin kills me and it causes me to sit here at almost 11 and just cry and cry to where i cant even see...to where i cant breath, to where i cant move. yet nobody fuckin cares they never do and never will. i just hate how i have such high hopes of maybe he'll see me today and actually talk and shit because everyday is a fuckin repeat of hell, and nothing good happens. i hate how i can sit here and type out sooo many words that show how much i feel for him yet i cant send a fuckin one to him! i just want to run away from my so called life...and just hide from it all...honestly it would benefit alot of people and it wouldnt really matter to the rest! i care sooo much about him and everything yet he dont give a fuck about me at all...no matter what people say or anything, in my heart i know he dont! and i am tired of trying to convince myself that it is ok, and everything because honestly it isnt! it never is and i am just sooo tired of setting myself up for failure because that is all i get in the end of everything! i just wanna leave it all behind, i dont give a fuck about anything right now and almost everyone. i mean how the hell can i care when no one thing in this world cares about me? i fucking hate how one word makes me cry every fucking time i see it, or hear it, or anything of that sort. i hate how i am attached to him! because this attachment is killing me so much but i still care even if he dont. he could hate me and everything and i am a fucking lame ass so i would still hold on. i hate how everything i ever had was fucked in one dimension or another and everythign is basically a lie that i know. i just want to be happy for once, i just wanna be able to look at him and let him know how i feel, i just want to quit trying to be someone else...i just cant take the pain and dissappointment of it all anymore. i have for sooo long and i just fuckin hate it all. i dont know what to do, or how to do anything. life is pointless and i fuckin hate it and wish i had a way to escape it all...and all the drama. but no...i am stuck here to be put in hell everyday i wake up!