looking for a word to replace "friendship" considering that is not what i have, never was. i have always known it was false and that it would end. even through numerous promises to be there, the seemingly heart filled promise to forever be my friend, through the convincing conversations which removed my deepest fear, the reassurance of being told i need not worry about losing you. i forever doubted it all, but you put on one heck of an act, i truly thought you cared. I kept that doubt in my heart, as it repeatedly felt true. I knew that it was fake, i did not deserve a friend like you. Yet I listened to you lie to me again, i told myself my heart is wrong cause it loves you more than a friend. Yet that doubt that you cared, was my only fear. that doubt in which i now live as you push me away again, as you tell me i shouldnt even worry about you, my friend. i dont know why i am effected at all because its only what i knew would happen from the start. but now i sit here holding a broken glass heart, with blood asorbed edges and crystal tear drops. knowing it was all a lie, knowing every promise was made with no intention of being fullfilled, knowing the thing you told me not to believe, was true all along.