Braden called last night, and we talked forever, or at least up until he told me that he had sex with some girl two weeks ago. Then the conversation pretty much ended there. And I'm still not sure what to think about it right now. Ontop of everything else that's going on, I think it's fair to say that I did NOT need to hear about this... not right now... not this week... and especially not the night before Mike's funeral. I just didn't. There are so many things that have been going through my head today during school... and still are... like, what the hell was he thinking? Him and I always talked about how we wanted to be each other's first's... no matter what, no matter when. And then he tells me this. How am I suppose to respond to something like that? I won't be able to look at him in the same way ever again... and knowing that hurts more than anything else ever could. And right now I hate hime so much. I hate him for making me think that I had him back... my best friend... and then ruining it. Maybe forever. What am I suppose to do now? I have no idea. I never thought he could do something that could disappoint me so much, and make me hate him like this. I never thought he could. But he has. He really has. --------------------------------- I'm at home right now. Obviously. And I'm listening to a really sad but good song... that's making me want to cry. I think I NEED to cry... but I can't. And I'm sitting here thinking about how I have to start getting ready for Mike's funeral soon. It's 12:42 right now, and I have to pick Steph up at 1:45. Hmmm and well... now I'm crying. I can't do this... I just can't.