I've never felt this way about anyone before, in my life. So I'm scared. I'm more scared than I've ever been! I don't know how to handle feeling like this, and sometimes I wonder how real it actually is. This feeling. Sometimes I'm not sure what it is. I mean, I almost certain that I love her. I'm in love with her. Or am I? I think I am. But see, that's what scares me so much. I don't know how it feels to truly be in love! Is this how it feels? I think about her all the time, and I can't ever wait to see her. I'd be with her every second of the day, if I could. But is it enough? Are these feelings that I have for her enough to make it forever? Are they enough for us to make it if I decide to ask her to move in with me in a couple months? Would we make it? I don't know if we would. I want us to, but I honestly don't know. I want to know though. I hate not knowing things. It drives me absolutely crazy. And the other night on the phone, I was telling her about how scared I was... and she told me that I think too much. She said that I need to just be with her and let things happen... stop worrying about everything. So I'm trying. Harder than I think I ever have before. Because today, I kept thinking about what would happen if Niki and I didn't work out. Like, if something happened and we broke up. And I don't know what I'd do... or how'd I'd feel. I'd miss her. So much that I think it'd hurt. My heart would hurt. And I'm pretty sure that I've never actually had that happen before. Not even when Andrea cheated on me. Not ever. So when I think about those things... about losing her... it makes me realize how much I really do love her. I'm in love with her. And I just have to learn to trust that feeling and go with it. That's really all I can do. And it's all I wanna do as this point. Because I can't imagine not being with her. I can't imagine my life without her. And I don't want to. I never want to. How crazy is that? I know, but I wouldn't have it any other way.