As happy as I am with Niki, sometimes I think that part of me is still kinda holding on to Andrea. Which is why I'm so scared to hangout with her tonight... but I'm really excited at the same time. I've missed her. But I love Niki. I really, truly do and I can't imagine ever hurting her. She makes me happier than I think Andrea ever did... and I didn't think I'd find someone else so fast, but I have and I wouldn't change anything about Niki. She's absolutely incredible. But anyways, she knows about how I'm hanging out with Andrea tonight, and she says she trusts me. But the thing is, I don't trust myself. I don't trust myself, yet I'm still choosing to go. So, I've been trying to figure out what that means all day. All I know is that I want to see Andrea. I want her to need me... to want me. And I want her to try and make a move. That's so bad, I know, but for some reason I hope she does... because I'd know that she still cared about me... that I wasn't just in this alone... that I wasn't the only one, out of the two of us, that was still having a difficult time just being friends. I mean, yes, I'm trying to move on, and I've fallen in love with Niki. But a part of me is and always will be with Andrea. She was the first girl that I ever loved, and I can't ever get the part of my heart back that I gave her, and I don't want it back. I'll always care about her. Always! And knowing that doesn't bother me, because I know that I can't change it. Sometimes things are just suppose to happen like that, and you have to learn to deal with it. You have to be able to move on, as hard as it is. Especially if you know in your heart that, that person isn't right for you. And sometimes, coming to that realization is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. And maybe you'll never be able to let them go... but who says you have to? The way I see it is, all you can do is try and keep going. If you can manage that, then you'll eventually be okay again. It'll take time, but you will.