Niki wrote this for me at 5:00 this morning. "I've realized that I can't pretend to be happy and okay. I just can't do it anymore. I've tried so very hard to be strong. For you, for me. But, I'm broken baby. I'm broken because I can't go to sleep without your head on my shoulder, and your breath on my neck. I can't wake up to see your tired smile, and your beautiful eyes. I need you Ashley, I'm not okay without you. Every time I look at someone, I see you. My whole life I've been so numb and unaware of the beautiful things that you have given me these past months. You've given me hope, strength, pride, and an endless love. I can't have only little bits of you, I want all of you. I need all of you. Thats why I'm going to promise you right now that we will be together, soon. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to hear your beautiful laugh, and see your gorgeous face every day. Theres no way that I can't. It might take time, but not much. Fifty years from now I want to be able to say that I met the girl of my dreams at nineteen, and from there on I spent each morning thanking god for letting me wake up to the love of my life. I want that so bad, and it's hard. But hopefully each tomorrow will be better than the todays and yesterdays. I will do anything to make that possible, you're worth it love. We're worth it. I love you so very much and I always will, forever."