I'm realizing that I have absolutely no idea what I want anymore. I don't think I ever did. I just THOUGHT that I did... or maybe I just hoped. It doesn't matter either way though. All that matters is that I'm lost. And as hard as I try, I can't seem to find myself again. Maybe it's because I don't know when I lost myself... Everything's just been so hard the past couple months. But like my mom said, "welcome to adulthood". So I guess I need to just suck it up and hope it gets better. My parents are proud of me, I think. I've been trying so hard lately to get things together. And it's stressful as hell, but I'm doing it... because I have to. ... and I lied. I do know one thing I want. Just one though. Her name's Niki and she's the one thing, or rather, the one PERSON in my life that forces me to step back and breathe... in the mist of everything. And she's who I want... she's who I need. Nothing in my life makes any sense to me right now. Nothing except her... and I thank God that I have her in my life. Without her, I don't know what I'd do.