I want it, but I can't have it... I can't have it because I won't let myself have it... I won't let myself have it because I'm afraid I'll mess it up... and I'm afraid I'll mess it up because I did with Braden. I did with him, and it's something I'll never be able to get back. He was the one person that knew me more than anyone... the one person that loved me more than I thought was possible... the one person that would have done anything for me... and I couldn't love him enough. I wouldn't let myself. Why wouldn't I let myself? Sometimes I don't know if I'll ever let myself get that close to someone again. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get that close to someone again. You keep telling me that you gave a piece of yourself away and don't know if you'll ever be able to get it back. Maybe you're not the only one. I think he still has a part of me. I still love him but I hate that he's happy... that someone else makes him happy. I hate not knowing if she makes him happier than I did. I hate that he even has her. Why can't I be happy like that. Why can't I be happy like Ali and Corey... like he is with Katie... like so many people seem to be? Why? Will I ever have that? Will I ever let myself have that? I have no answers for myself. And I'm not sure if I ever will.