There are so many things that I want right now. Some of these things I'll soon have, but not soon enough... and others I'll never have, but want the most. Some of them are more important than others... but all of them keep me up at night. They're all I can think about. And I think about all of them at the same time... constantly..... --------------------------------------------- I want to let go of Andrea. I need her, but I wish I didn't. Kadi deserves to know that I'll never love her the way that she loves me. Sometimes I think she does know, she just doesn't want to let me go. I'm glad she chooses to hold onto me, because I don't know what I'd do if she ever chose to let go. I keep asking myself why I'm not strong enough to go through all of this alone. Why do I feel like I need Andrea and Kadi? Wouldn't I be better off without them? The fact is, I don't think I would. Both of them have become apart of me. And as hard as I try, I can't seem to get that part of me back from them. Sometimes I don't even think I want it back. I just want to keep holding on a little bit longer. I need to keep holding on. --------------------------------------------- I miss Braden. Sometimes I wonder if I could love him enough... and how, if I did, I could be done with all of this. I wish I did... so bad. But I know it'll never happen. I've already tried to love him like that. He deserves Katie. She loves him enough. She loves him like I wasn't able to love him. --------------------------------------------- I'm scared about next year. I don't know if I can go up there without you. And I can't loose Ali. I need her... so much. She has no idea how much. And she never will. She never could. But I do... I need her. And what if something happens next year? What if she stops liking me? What if I do something that makes her not want to be friends with me anymore? I wouldn't be able to handle loosing her as a friend. I'm not strong enough. --------------------------------------------- I need to tell my parents. I should have a long time ago. I keep putting it off. And I feel like everyone's waiting for me to do it. --------------------------------------------- I can't get enough of her. I'm constantly thinking about her. I wish it would stop. I hate knowing that she doesn't care as much. I know I deserve better. I deserve a girl who knows she wants to be with me. And I know that. I don't act like I do, but I do. It's just hard. I never thought letting go of someone could be so hard. I always thought that if someone wasn't worth holding onto that they'd be easy to let go. But it's so much different with her. It's so much harder than that. It's harder than anything else I've ever known. And nobody seems to understand that. How could they though? I don't even understand it myself. I don't think I ever will. She'll always have a piece of my heart. Even though she doesn't deserve it. And maybe she never did. --------------------------------------------- I can't stop listening to songs about love. Or songs about loosing someone. Or songs about loosing someone you love. Or songs that remind me of her. They're all I listen to anymore. And all the songs from the playlist on my Myspace are those songs. I listen to them over and over again. I can't stop. I want to so bad... but I can't.