I was so mad when I first found out that you volunteered me to do this house sitting/babysitting job with you on the same week that I planned on going up to Ali's! But I'm so glad that I ended up doing it, because it was such a good experience... for both of us! Although it was absolutely exhausting, stressful, and irritating, I loved every moment of it. It was so much fun, and those kids are definitely one of a kind... especially Marcus ;-] He was such a handful... but I actually kind of miss him, just a little bit though =P But anyhow, I needed this past week to happen, and I didn't realize how much until it was over. Bottom line... thanks for making me do it with you =] --------------------------------------------- Enough of that though. I have thoughts in my head, sooo here it goes =P When you said that you knew I didn't pray anymore but that you wanted me to pray for your family, I told you that I would and then didn't think anything of it. But this morning when we were at church, it hit me. I used to be such a strong Christian! But ever since I've come to the realization that I'm gay, I think I've felt too unworthy? I'm not really sure though. All I know is that my relationship with God hasn't existed for over a year now. And sometimes I'm not even sure if I want it to? I almost feel like it can't, because of who I am. Or maybe that's not even the reason? --------------------------------------------- On a side note... I've started talking to Andrea on a kind of regular basis again. Sometimes I'm not so sure what to think about that though. Plus, Kadi won't stop giving me a hard time about it, which doesn't help at all! The fact is, I like talking to Andrea... and I feel like I need her. She knows me, and she's gay too, obviously, and I need someone who understands what I'm going through. I mean, I have Kadi, yeah, but I can't just have Kadi! She starts too much shit all the time... and always has to pick a fight, almost everytime we talk to each other. It drives me absolutely crazy! But I need her too. I don't totally understand why though... I just know that I do... because when she's not in my life, I miss her more than anything. Which doesn't make sense... because my life would probably be a whole hell of a lot less stressful is she weren't in it... but I do need her... just as much as I need andrea... and that's all there is too it. --------------------------------------------- One last thing... Braden called me this week, and he misses me... a lot! I don't know what that means... but I miss him too... all the time! And I'm glad he's going to be intown this coming weekend... because I want to see him... I need to see him! I miss the guy that still knows me better than I know myself... I miss my best friend!