read this conversation, and you'll understand why... Xs and H0ES (10:11:10 PM): i just want to be truly happy Xs and H0ES (10:11:30 PM): with you, i was truly happy minus the fact i couldnt see you everyday ashuhlee43 (10:19:52 PM): I think you're trying to force yourself to be happy with emma, because she's the next best thing. and even though I know that this is probably very self righteous of me to say, even though I know it's true... but, I'm better than her.... and you chose to look past that... because she was easier to be with. she's there... and I'm here... and sometimes I feel like you don't think you're ready to be happy... or maybe you're scared of being truly happy, because you're afraid you might mess it up. which I feel like is part of the reason that you chose her over me. I think you knew that you'd be happier with me... and that scared you. but I don't know... I could be wrong. ashuhlee43 (10:20:58 PM): if I'm right though... ashuhlee43 (10:21:08 PM): which I feel like I am.... ashuhlee43 (10:21:10 PM): then.... ashuhlee43 (10:21:50 PM): I think you need to seriously take the time to think about what would make you truly happy.... ashuhlee43 (10:21:55 PM): and stop... ashuhlee43 (10:22:07 PM): looking for happiness in other places.... ashuhlee43 (10:22:10 PM): and other people.... ashuhlee43 (10:22:22 PM): stop running from it.... ashuhlee43 (10:22:43 PM): because, trust me.... ashuhlee43 (10:22:56 PM): if you're truly happy with someone... ashuhlee43 (10:23:08 PM): then you are because.... ashuhlee43 (10:23:25 PM): you know that they're truly happy with you... and that they're truly happy in being with you.... ashuhlee43 (10:23:31 PM): and.... ashuhlee43 (10:23:42 PM): in that situation... ashuhlee43 (10:23:55 PM): you can't mess anything up... ashuhlee43 (10:24:30 PM): it's nearly impossible... ashuhlee43 (10:24:56 PM): because you both love each other so much... ashuhlee43 (10:25:14 PM): that you wouldn't dream of doing anything that could ever come close to messing it up... ashuhlee43 (10:25:39 PM): to messing you "true happiness" up. ashuhlee43 (10:26:05 PM): that's just the way it is. Xs and H0ES (10:27:12 PM): i'm so happy when i'm with her, but when i'm not, i'm not at all ashuhlee43 (10:28:13 PM): well... I guess that's something. ashuhlee43 (10:28:58 PM): but like I said, you need to think about what really makes you happy. Xs and H0ES (10:29:08 PM): yeah ashuhlee43 (10:30:17 PM): I almost feel like you just missed absolutely everything that I just said... but that's okay. Xs and H0ES (10:30:48 PM): no i got it, i just dont know what to say ashuhlee43 (10:31:17 PM): well now neither do I Xs and H0ES (10:31:37 PM): haha great --------------------------------------------- I say the most amazing things... things that I always hope will finally get through to her... things that will finally get her to see that I'm the one she should be with... but it never works... she never truly gets it... or maybe she does, and just doesn't know what to say... or maybe she just is as fucking scared as we both know she is. but it sucks! everything about it does. the fact that nothing I say gets through to her... or that she's choosing to be with someone that she knows for a fact will never be able to make her as happy as I could... or that I know her, more than I ever thought I could know someone, especially in such a short amount of time... or the fact that she knows that she'll never be truly happy with Emma, she knows that she's having to fake her happiness, and she's even told me that... or the fact that I can't seem to move on, even though I know that she will probably never see that I'm who she should be with. So, I'm done. I don't know how to be done with her... but I want to be and need to be... and I'm going to try my absolute hardest to be.