I want to start my life over, I want to grow up as someone else. Things are so... lonely all the time. without Matt around and me by myself I wish he was around. I wish I could feel the way things use to be. I wish I could feel again. Mom pointed it out... I do the things I do to numb everything else out of my life. Sometimes being locked up felt nice Because I pretended to be someone better then who I really am.

Im crying and Matt keeps calling me.... Im not answering and it is really hard. really really hard. Plus he keeps trying to hook up with someone else and it really upsets me.... Im just really messed up in the head. I cant sit at home for one night because being by myself means being stuck inside my head. Very scary place

I feel that my mom is right... once I hit the age of 18... im running off.... because I am left with nothing I dont know what could possibly make me happy if I cant just live with someone else I want to be with people so I dont have to feel so numb anymore

I just looked at my july 16th post i put up it says a lot but in the middle it says "I would hate Hastings If I didnt have Matt" Funny how that worked out. Fuck this place