theres so many thoughts and things running through my head. i dont know if i can manage to get them down in writing. i've been trying for days now and its just sounds like trite bullshit. trying to be poetic about how i feel. fuck being poetic....poetic is pretty and god knows this isnt pretty. i hurt on sooo many levels. the past couple of days thinking about everything hes done to me. every little thing. emotionally i'm a wreck i feel sorry for any guy who trys to get involved with me right now. he would be taking alot of flak for things that arent him. physically i'm hurting even more, the pain of losing him has litterly become physical and its cause me to get sick....i was fine until he said that the baby is forsure his. that made it final....i cant take him back now. and now that its final ir hurts like a bitch. before i could bear it....i could deal with him being maybe with another girl, but now there this real life attachment to her and i cant deal with it. i actually puked when i read his email. it was disastrous. i've never gotten sick from reading an email. its amazing the things that boy has been able to do to me. its scary too, i let my self get way too involved with him and i got in too deep and now i'm fucked. thats right FUCKED!!! i wont be letting this one happen again. sda;v mbzaer'ohva nt.e/jivga' rlkjgdn"Orih much better, i had a sudden urge to just bash the keyboard. it happens when i'm overly frusterated...especially with him. i wanna get out, just leave and get away from evrything. i dont know where i would go....i'm going to edmonton at the end of april...maybe i'll find something out there. i wanna go i just dont wanna leave my family and friends and job behind. their what matter in my life and without them i have nothing. s;lvh r['woghtW'ROHGTOtgi again frusteration.... i'm at the fucking bottom and things can only go up from here