Its like hes my dawson and i'm his joey. nothing seems to change that, not matter what happens we always end up back at eachother. he called me last night, for the first time in over a year. over a fucking year, he calls out of the blue. he asked me how i'm doing, how work is going, how my family is doing. he knows this time of the year is hard, it scares me that he still cares. we talked till 1 in the morning, just like old time. hes single again, this time he got cheated on. at least knows what its like, and how much it hurts. it was strange talking to him, it was like the past never happened, like we were still the best of friends. its like no matter what happens, no matter how long we go without speaking, we always come back to eachother. we'll always have that bond, that special relationship. to be frank it all sorta scares me. but what scares me the most is he said he still cares, he said hes missed me. hes not supposed to miss me, hes suppose to just let things be. he wasn't supposed to call me, he wasn't supposed to say he still cares. it was supposed to be a clean ending, going back to how things were before tehre was ever an us. i dont know what to think or feel, all i seem to do is lie to myself about him. i dont care any more - lie i dont miss his touch - lie i dont miss his kiss - lie i never think about him - lie i dont wish things were like they were - lie i dont love him anymore - who the fuck knows its all lies, and it cant be good for my health. i just dont know what i'm supposed to feel, it was sooooooo much easyer to lie to myself before he called. no its like i know im lieing and i hate it. i know its bullshit but i wont flat out admit it, i'll admit its a lie, but i wont speak the truth. i cant. if i do, i'm admiting that hes still got his claws in me, after almost 2 years of not being together. admiting that would be like admiting failure. -kristina