i just got home not to long ago from dans house heather brought me to see the car it was hard. worse then i thought it would be. i didnt cry but i was kinda angry. angry at what happened. it was alot worse then i thought it would be. my mom seemed to think that i'm heartless because i never cryed but i can help it. i wasnt sad. i went there to get closure to have something material make it seem final and thats what i got it seemed more real after seeing the car, i dont know why but it did. i thought i would have been more emotional and cryed alot but i didnt i was mad. i was mad that of the 10ft of car it had to hit in the centre on the drivers side. things still dont really seem real i mean i keep thinking what it would be like if he were here and things just seem soo much better. i was talking with donnie today and hes just like a big brother i mean i know hes not but thats just the way it all seems. i mean he cant take scotts place but he can be there for me and i need that. i was talking to paul too poor kid were so similar we've both had a bad past and done some stupid things. hes a really nice guy i think i kinda like him but i dont know if anything would happen there i think my feelings for you know who are a tad too strong. but still poor paul he needs a girl friend and i think he might be looking for one in heather which i think is stupid cause shes not ready to move on just yet. i had a fight today with the rental units. they said that their worried i'm slipping into my past and becomeing more and more of what i was. its not going to happen, i'm not going back to that i wont let my self neither will anyone else. i mean i was talking with randi d. today and she said that she would never let me get that far and slip back to what i was. she knows how hard it was the first time and she said she never wants to see me go thru taht again. she told tim that i'm a sweet girl and a good girlfriend. i think shes trying to set me and him up. i mean yea i need a boyfriend i need something to occupy my time and tim needs a girlfriend to get his mind off what he saw but i'm not too sure that hes dead best friends little sister whos been around his group of friends a few times is the best idea. oh well i'll let randi think what she wants she also says that i should think about getting back with mike again I DONT THINK SO RANDI i couldnt get back with him again hes just its mike and he hurt me waaayyy too much for me ever take him back. friends is one thing but boyfriend n girlfriend tahts a whole different ball game! well i think tahts all i have to say right now i meant for this to be a short entry i guess its not -love -kristina