today was a day like anyother rather boring and un-eventful! i almost asked justin to grad today but once again me being the chicken shit i am i didnt do it. but i promised my self i would do it by tomorrows end, so by 3:30 i have to ask justin to grad, im just scared of what hell say. and on a slightly lower note i totally broke down when i got home today. lately i've been going through my brothers room cleaning stuff since im moving in there in like a month. and i came to a shoe box that had a bunch of papers in them and it was papers that were mine and his, one of them was a coupon book i made for scott when i was like 7 and he never used it but he kept it n never threw it out. and then i found a note that was written to me in his writeing and this is how it went Dear Kristina, you have always been there for me as a sister even when your really annoying and i hate you. deep down i love you, not because i have to but because your the greatest sister i could ask for. i'll always remember you even though i'm leaving to BC this summer wtih heather, you will always hold a special place in my heart. i dont know what i would do with out you. this letter may never make it to you but this all had to be said, i couldnt leave the province with out telling you how much you mean to me as a sister and friend. love always your big brother scotty the letter was date october 8th 2 days before he died, i read it and i broke down, and i've been crying since. seeing that and knowing that he loved me even though i was the most annoying sister just i didnt know what to think of any of it and what made me cry even more is was he wrote at the bottom (PS: i'm leaveing my hotwheels collection to you, take good care of it) that took the cake and i just broke down and the more i looked at things in his room the more i cried and i just i dont know what to make of all this. i've been through so much and right now i'm soo scared of being happy cuz last time i was happy, scott got in his accident and died and that was hell for me, how can i be happy when i'm so scared that something bad is going to happen...... -kristina