the sun has gone down. i can only see the branches of the trees by the light of the city. it's sort of like home... except at home, everything is lit up by the refinery lights. i miss home more than i ever thought i would. i miss my friends, i miss austin, i miss having to deal with anita's stupid ass when we washed clothes. i just never realized how lonely alone can really be. true blood season 2 premiere is tonight. everyone's at jessica's, it is her turn to cook so i'm banking that it's probably taquitos and queso tonight. i would give anything to be there with them laughing, shooting the shit and just enjoying each other's company. i would give anything to squeeze on jessica's tiny bed next to austin and the other couples and watch true blood, then maybe a movie which no one will really pay attention to cuz we'll all be laughing at each other. but i'm here alone in san antonio. i've always thought i wanted this... always thought that i was a big city girl with big city aspirations. but as it turns out, i'm just a homebody with no other need than to see my friends a few times a week, see austin everyday and be with my cat. don't get me wrong... i do love the work i'm able to do here. this is an opportunity that i never would have gotten in port arthur or beaumont. this is it... this is real, honest to goodness, newspaper work. unpaid, mind you. but educational nonetheless. i took another nap today so i'm not really tired yet. i think i might watch another movie. let's see: it's been two weeks... i have 8 more to go. 2 months and i get to be home again... with all of its cancer-inducing refineries and all the backward thinking citizens. i know i will miss this but i miss austin and home more than i can bear right now. i don't even know what i'm saying anymore... i'm just babbling. austin was supposed to bring the webcam to jessica's so i could see everybody. i guess he forgot. guess i won't see him tonight either. alone. forgotten. and i ate an entire footlong sub from subway... good way to spend an evening by myself. just need to know that i can make it. just need to know that i can stand to be alone for another 2 months. i have to know that i can go to the washateria on my own and not be scared that something bad is going to happen to me. i have to stop being scared of the world... of strangers... of homeless people. i have to learn to be an adult. just 2 months and i'm home free.