I'm so glad I have a journal that no one has access to. I mean I have a pencil journal but that's for late nights when I don't feel like logging on and expressing my deepest and darkest feelings to this internet site that honestly is DYING. But the truth is, is that I will never be welcome in Austin's home. Ever. No matter that we've been dating for three motherfucking years, I will never get to the house and see his mom's face light up like she actually wants to fucking see me. And yes you do feed me when you feel obligated and I do tell you thank you and I fucking appreciate it but if I come over the next day it's like I've already overstayed my welcome and you act "funny" (according to austin) and I have to leave while watching x-files. so when you look at me with those fucking puppy dog eyes of yours saying "don't you think you should go?" without actually fucking saying it to my face, i want you to say that YOU FUCKING WANT ME TO GO HOME and don't be a fucking pussy about it. And my mom is turning out to be right about a lot of things and to think of all the times I fucking stood up for you and told her that she didn't know you and that you loved me and stood up for me and was changing your life so i could fit in and everything. it was all a fucking lie. becuz at the end of the fucking day, you're her son, NOT MY BOYFRIEND OR HUSBAND OR ANYTHING. you're going to take her side and do whatever the fuck she says instead of standing up for me (the one you love more than anything? bullshit) FUCK OFF! (I just sent that to him in an IM- wish us luck)