I am not afraid to not hold back; It's holding back which I'm afraid of. I'm not usually a person who can have his thoughts influenced by other people, but when it comes to love, anything goes. Last week I had more communication with a girl (whom I was once fond of) than I have had in perhaps a whole month prior to last week. It evokes the feelings I once had and as usual, I jump at the feelings. Does it mean something? Or was / is.. it just your average conversation? What really got me going was the 'hope to see you soon', something I have never heard from her. Now I understand it can just be your general and kind 'hope to see you soon'; or it can be your eager and really sincere 'hope to see you soon'. A friend said to me today she was asking about me? Again.. just general chit chat? or have I been on her mind that she really cared about me to ask where I was, how I've been etc etc... Lol... the thought plays on my mind and I am at the point where the contact feels so warm that I would hope it could carry on going as it is. However, I feel that maybe I myself have a part to play to try and initiate some contact with her.. though having only just thought about it, I have. I think to myself.. what really is the situation here; and then I find myself believing that there is an opportunity and I shouldn't hold back, afterall, we only have one life and not always the chance, so maybe I should take a risk? I don't believe in risk; I believe in calculated judgement. Or what my friend would call, 'failing to admit my problem', that being that I am scared. Am I? Am I that stubborn that I can't see it like that... I wouldn't say so, lol. Perhaps we can bring fate into the question. Destiny - an event or course of events which though inevitable, will still surprise you when it happens - yes, that does sound like love does it not. You can't always see it coming, be that a positive thing or a negative, the point is still valid - regardless of the topic, though in this instance, love. So I say to myself, maybe I should try to grasp the opportunity which has presented itself, then not being scared but instead calculatedly (is that a word?, lol) judging the question.. maybe there is no actual opportunity and I am making something out of nothing. That is fate my dear.. you never know.. I guess at the end of the day fate is down to your own judgement, you do have given choices, but regardless of whatever one you took, you'll only end up where you belonged in the first place. Maybe fate is for people who are just lazy. They feel they may be risking something, their feelings, their future... maybe they are just scared and maybe so am I. I look back at my life and see that even with my career choices, they may have been the result of some form of fear that I thought taking a risk would not be worth it. I honestly don't believe that though, I know myself and know that my career choices have stemed from what I indeed call calculated judgement.. fate; The event or series of events which lead you to the inevitable, or another thing we call life. It is true that fate does not fortune everyone, and that they people are perhaps indeed scared of taking a risk in life, but whether you know the situation is a risk or a calculated judgement call, it still reiterates fate. Fate.. it's up to you. Fate.. whatever will be will be. Fate.. as if you really had a choice?! I'll sit patiently and wait for the given calculated judgement. Patience is a beautiful virtue for those who possess it.