The saying often goes that it's not what we say that defines us, but rather what we do. Of which then I must be a fake? I've yet to live up to my own standards and it doesn't help when you lose yourself along the way. Am I indulging in a small allowance to feel sorry for what I've become or is this written piece a mere thought for exaggerated purposes, knowing full well that of all which I say I am, a writer is indeed one of them? Maybe I am a fake, or perhaps I'm just contemplating a little self doubt. In writing it's said you write what you know; therefore I'll often write about the trials and ideals of life in the pursuit of what it is to love. Not love for oneself mind you, but a love for the greater good and of that with another. You see, it's often said that I'm a good writer. However, my title and previous comments aren't to reflect my own questioned or 'what someone else has said' ability to write. It's much more than this. It's a metaphor for the recent feeling of having lost myself - my identity - the ideals for the greater good and that there exist people who are in such need. Without an identity of which to be called upon, what in life can we stand up for? I've lost my stand. I feel my heart is not quite the same as I patiently, though eagerly search for the ideals which once formed my identity. Without these ideals and understanding, I feel fake. Now I'm just a man full of past enduring trials, who lacks the answers to fight for those who endure their own trials. I feel rendered as incapable and I only have normality to blame. Pearl S. Buck, a Pulitzer Prize winning author, once said that "the person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration". I am this man. I've seen and known this all too well, because often I am the culprit. Confusing, hurting and losing those who were once - and some still - a dear friend because of my misguided sense of destiny. If only they understood and if only had I. Loneliness was my solace. It was my essence for a life worth living. Easy to see then how other's would get confused and hurt. Out of humour, so often too was I - and I still do. A person is a brand wouldn't you believe? A rational and yet gross manner of which to exist, though one I would consider very effective in the pursuit for an identity and furthermore, success. Who we are at our heart's core is essentially the defining factor of our purpose in life. Our vision is our identity. Without it we lose ourselves. I've always been one to believe in infinite possibility, but loneliness was always my choice for the reason that you can only give so much before a sacrifice has to be made. Loneliness reminds me why I'm here. It reminds me that the 'greatest poverty in this world is that of loneliness'. The very thing which is my life. It is the world I see. And it is the world I've always felt the need and will to help. As an actual writer, I'm only as good as what you the reader says. But as a man wanting to help the world, it was that core feeling of loneliness which was my identity. And it will be found again. "Loneliness accepted becomes a gift leading one from a life dominated by tears to the discovery of one's true self and finally to the heart of longing and the love of God". [Author unknown].