Only a day beyond one of the toughest days that I’ve endured in a fair while and I guess my heart beats neutrally now; no sadness, yet no real happiness. I see the happiness to be had, but my heart stands back for a while longer to try and make sense of it all – sense of life that is. I think the summer is slightly taking its toll on me… but what should I expect when I allow myself to be stuck indoors – what a pitiful excuse. Ridding the house of all its contents, going through paperwork, cards, items – all things to occasionally remind me of my mom and her beauty – a moments thought provoke my wrist’s to clinch, but they’re soon quick to loosen. I have studying to do also for an exam I have to repeat. Procrastination is getting the better of me right now. The choices were to retake it and what should be to pass it, or to not take it and complete my final year at the risk that if I were to fail another module, I won’t be able to get my degree. I sometimes wonder whether I should’ve not bothered with the repeat and instead rest on my apparent laurels – common sense said otherwise. I will be happy when I move in with my sister and her family come September or so. My university schedule will be a fair bit busy, so I perhaps won’t see them all that much during the day, but it will be nice to spend actual time with time and to be woken up by my nephews in the morning – or at least my younger nephew. When ever I sleep over at my sister’s, he jumps on me in the morning to wake me up – he cheekily tries to run away though before I can catch him. It will be pleasing to start my final year at university also; to be able to observe people and life that much more again. Right now is just a part of the process – what a formal word to use – a part of life then. I looked at the ceiling of my living room yesterday evening while listening to the rain falling outside and I couldn’t help but feel, “oh how I wish to go out there and have the rain fall on me”; such a feel it would be for the drops of rain to comfort and accompany my thoughts and where better to regain some feeling for life than in the very midst of its wonders. I’d like to believe that I know how my life will turn out for there is no passion or enthusiasm that my heart seeks more than what I know and follow. I believe it so much in my heart that it feels cast in stone. Such is not to say though that my life will be no fun or not worth living because of believing that I know what will happen. I don’t know the exact things that will happen, but I believe in knowing what can happen and it’s believing in knowing what can happen which allows you to do more than what you already believe. Whether that makes sense? It happens; and if this sounds naïve, why not? (laughs). I guess I’ve been focusing on all the wrong things of late – on all the negatives. It’s still something I’ve got to get used to. I don’t think there is much else to write… but before I go, I’ll finish up with this. ‘Believing how life will turn out, there is the advantage of seeing everywhere you can be to help tell the story of where your life might end up. Like the notion of the ‘perfect man’, he could be anywhere in the World, but he will always choose to be with the one he loves. While a patient wait does occur, I’ll believe in knowing that if I could be anywhere in the World right now, I too would be with the very person I care about. This will always make life worth living’.