"Two years ago I once lived for a woman with a broken heart, a discouraged mind, and a lost soul. Yet her beauty penetrated through in rare smiles, infrequent though, joyful dances and always in her calm overwatching stillness. But when she died, my heart was scarred eternally..."

Two years today have passed since when my heart shattered beautifully in a sudden moment of realisation; a realisation of what would never again be and of what I would have to live up to. Consciously plagued by saddened memories, I find it hard to escape my contemplative reality of what was an enduring love.

Of all the unindated ways to idealise the meaning of destiny, I purely wonder, do we bring destiny upon ourselves? An act of given choices, right? I've always believed that our challenges in life is God's way of presenting us with the opportunity to rise up to what we know - and want - to be. Then if so, I have failed thus far. Perhaps I have not been willing enough.

As I spend a majority of the day's timely allowance, I often see all too clearly the life before us. How quickly it can be taken from us, how quickly it can pass and how suddenly it can change - when we're willing and even when we are not. What is it that get's the better of us when we fail life's earnest challenges?

I'd be lying if I didn't admit in not knowing what to believe in any longer. I've always believed in the capacity to achieve a state of infinite possibility. And I've always believed in pure, heart worthy ideals to benefit the good of mankind. But does anyone really need saving anymore? Or has the emotions of the humans befalling me, brought my heart's will to a state of disillusion?

I feel a darkness has descended upon me by where my will in life has become obscure in thought. The attempt to see my own life bears little in the way of worth and I falter at every possible reasoning to believe anything I could do would prove to make a difference for other's.

I question myself not to be lost, but of what it is I feel I have lost - my heart's irrevocable will to give the world the hope it deserves; to believe that life is just and that the ideals which exist in life to help the world achieve their god given gift for the good of mankind, can be found.

In life, we will lose many things dear to us, whether at challenges or people of all beloved sorts, but there is nothing lost that can't be found again. Above all, the most important thing we should never lose, is our will to be who we know we can be.

Loving you always my dear mother, for not only did you give me life; you gave me a life of which to lead.

'The world shall inherit hope in memory of the one who needed it most'.