I saw something this evening which reminded of me my mom. I remembered to within three hours of the morning she passed away. At around 4am my brother came into my room, called me and said, “I think mommy might pass away soon”. So I got out of bed and went with my brother to see my mom. She was sat up in her chair, but appeared unconscious. She asked to be moved back to her bed so that she could lie down; her body was now lifeless by this point. My brother had been up with her for an hour or two already and in the 30 minutes that I was there with them, for some sudden reason I thought to myself… ‘My brother has been up for a while and he must be tired. If I go back to sleep for a little longer and wake early then I can take care of my mom and my bro can get some sleep’. Why I thought that I do not know. I could’ve there and then asked my bro to go to bed while I look after mom or we both could’ve stayed up with her. It wasn’t occurring to me at all that maybe she really was going to pass away that morning – not a case of denial, just oblivious. No more than an hour later, my brother came back into my room, called me and said, “I think Mommy’s died”. (We always called her mommy) I got out of bed and went to see my mom. She laid there in silence. When you look at the body of a person who has just passed away there is a silence you feel that is like no other silence you’ve known. After I had a moment of reflection with my mom, I looked at her one last time, then held her legs and gave a kiss to each of them. The thought that came to me tonight was the moment when my mom passed away and why I wasn’t there to see that moment. I can’t explain why that was; why I didn’t see the obvious to just stay there with her. And among this, those ever fateful words of my mom, “don’t leave me”… to which I said to her “everything will be ok”; she quickly calmed and then I left. Today, I feel better about how well I looked after her; “to love is to be willing” and deep down, I can’t find a better word to describe the way I was there for my mom with everything that she needed to keep her feeling comfortable, happy and not alone. I think of my mom and all that keeps following next in my thoughts is what I’m meant to be. There was a time as a younger boy, I would say, ‘take me so that everyone in this World will not suffer from emotional pain’. Ever since a young boy all I’ve had in me is a want to make the World a better place. Better so that by every passing day, less and less people will have to lead a life that is ruled by emotional suffering. I wake up most days now and see the potential that life holds for us. Sit back long enough I guess and you will see and feel just what can be achieved in a single day. Life is not without a struggle though; I also see the ability of the World to fight against you to prevent you from being – or achieving – all that you are destined to be. That can be scary, but within you is the fight. The worse that can happen is laying down your own life for the cause within you. What ever your cause, be prepared for the worst consequence that faces you and in doing so, you will find the strength you need to conquer the World. I still think about the few things that matter to me – a love who I can call my own. I still struggle with that, but all I can offer is the fight that I will continue on with until a fateful day when I realise what I’m really meant to have. We were never destined for a mediocre life. What are you ‘willing’ to be destined for?