“Don’t be amazed at my devotion, for what is the reason my heart should beat if not to let you know it’s always there for you”. Why does my heart worry that maybe you aren’t always there with me? I wish I could know. Perhaps it's my heart which is not always there with you. I wonder at times about love and I think that truthfully, my mom was really the only woman I was meant to love and who was worthy of my love - as a son. Sometimes I think that no other woman is worthy of my love – my life and my heart – because there’s no woman that I’m really meant to love in that way; but then I think again. Sometimes I feel my heart is being enticed to give you up, but I think about this and know I’d rather die than do such; would it be easier for you to know that I died loving you or easier that I gave you up because my heart couldn’t handle loving you. Truth is; I never would be able to give you up other than only through the last beat of my heart. Sometimes I fret that maybe my heavy heart will eventually get too much for you that you may choose to give me up; I would not blame you if you did, but I hope you never do. Wanting love does make me weak and I’m sorry that I can’t be strong in wanting you, but in trying to be carefree I only feel that my heart is not there in wanting you and I don’t like knowing that feeling; I want to know every second that you are there in my heart. To be strong I would not be able to have love, but for you, I’ll endure. Do you think I’m like the heart of every other man? When I make mistakes is when I remember I’m only human, but please don’t believe I’m like everyone else. “Don’t take my love for granted”. My heart rules my head and since a child have I always been so. ‘We live what we learn’ and what I learned from a child was a life of pain and suffering, not in myself, but in others. Within my heart I knew such a life wasn’t right and this is why I care to lead a life fighting for those who are without hope in the pain and suffering that they endure. With all that I have in my heart, it’s no wonder to me that I have such a fight to keep believing in us. Please remember, that truthfully, no – I don’t believe in myself because my heart is not like that. I will never see why you want me the way you do, but knowing that you do want me will always keep me sound. I do believe though in what my heart can do and I hope as you know, my heart will do anything and everything it possibly can – especially for you and us in our dream together and hopefully forevermore. I stopped writing this when I began talking to you earlier and so there are some things I’ve missed out which I had wanted to note; nothing too particular, but they added to what I’ve been saying above. I keep being pulled both ways still; with my love for you and with the love I have for the World, but I ask of you... please don’t ever let me go, no matter how weary I may get or how weary I might ever make you, please don’t let me go. “I can’t give you up, I can’t give you up” he kept saying to himself, but then soon, his heart wouldn’t stop bleeding, the tears from his eyes didn’t stop falling… eventually though, his heart did stop beating”. …but every time his heart did stop, her love would bring him back to life. I wish I could know just how much you might miss me. I wish I could know just how much you care for me and long for me too; perhaps that would ease my struggle in the wait we have. You'd think I'd have taken in by now all the things you say to me of how much you care for me, perhaps I'm a bad listener for not doing so...