There’s a grandiose saying in life, that when we work for what we want, the universe will conspire to help us achieve what it is we are working for. Though what about when we appear to be getting what we don’t; is the universe in fact conspiring still, though against us undeservingly in the midst of our apparent misfortune? It's beautiful to surround the given choices of our life with an apparent aura, or mystique, of how the choices we make in life parallels harmoniously the desires of success and happiness we so insufferably long for and which in hindsight, only few ever really achieve. Or perhaps instead how when we feel doomed, the aura and mystique of our given choices are seemingly making us feel only capable of failure and an unwilling ability to persevere for those ever unreachable desires of success and happiness. Self pity aside, we shouldn’t be so cynical. To trust until given a reason not to; has the universe really conspired against me to show me that actually, there aren't many people in this World who can be trusted. Simple actions, choices even of a few who I thought dear to me, to act in an unrelenting way to of made me feel that those who I thought I could trust, I in fact can’t. Trust is the ability to ‘be there’ I’ve always believed and if the universe does conspire then karma has served justice for its own reason. What goes around comes around and so better the reason that I should’ve known not to trust myself in letting people – these people - get close to me; after all, I’m not like them, am I? Amusing it is then that an apparent karma can come around without reason, but as individuals, do we need a reason not to trust or is the choice of not doing so simply reason enough? Is the choice because we don't trust ourselves, maybe? Does it inspire to see life in a grandiosely romanticised way? Perhaps, but the ability to trust is nothing grandeur than a mere choice. Sometimes we see the reasons why we shouldn't trust others, but at times we aren't given reasons often because it's the other person who can't trust themselves; only they know the reason and only sometimes are they willing to say why. I always wanted to be 'there', but the choice in my heart and mind that I couldn't, it unintentionally brought mistrust not only to those whom I care about, it also brought mistrust to me. There came a belief and a sudden realisation that without making the choice to be who I am, I would only ever continue to hurt people and lose their trust because of not being able to make that choice - the choice of living up to my responsibility in sacrifice of what I felt I always wanted. I've given people a reason not to trust me and I've given myself a reason not to let others trust me by not letting people get close to me because of the inability to believe that I wouldn't eventually hurt them. When you have responsibilities, sometimes you have to make a sacrifice and for me, the sacrifice was in knowing I had to make a choice at all. I've made this choice now to live up to my responsibility and I don't expect anyone to ever understand what my heart endures to wonder why I seemingly gave in. I can only hope that the goodness of my heart will prevail in giving trust to others and to help others trust in life and the good that it brings if only we choose to see it.