todayy is going to be a horrible dayy. i just know it will be. so i think of something wonderful. like the fact that i used to be a pothead. that is-- i used to put a pot over myy head. and run around the house. talking to myself because yourr voice just sounds so much better when it's bouncing off the pot into yourr own ears. but i stopped when i tripped and fell down the stairs. youu see, it's so veryy hard to see where your going... being a pothead and all. sigh. i miss those days. been living in the past again. i'm dreading the fourteenth. hating it, hoping it will never come. because of the memories that dayy will bring. wow, can youu believe it? one year ago, i was happyy. genuinelyy happyy. and myy makeshift "wedding" was being planned. don't worryy, it's not like i still like him. but it will be so awkward. for me. for us. and that dayy will consume so much of myy limited emotions. because i do have emotions, after all. even though i don't always choose to show them. verena is still human. even if i make it through the fourteenth.. do youu think i can survive march seventeenth? i was so upset that dayy of last year. and not because of everyone pinching me for not wearing green. there's something more that i don't dare relieve. in the end, they're just memories. theyy don't matter naymore. theyy reallyy shouldn't. i'll see, i'll see. i'll see how strong i reallyy can or cannot be.