these last two days, i realized just how much people don't like each other. how much hate is in existence. how people can hurt each other. &just what some people are capable of. but i just listened. i just sat there and listened, feeling extremelyy uncomfortable and not daring to sayy anything on myy mind, while at the same time, giving them nothing to hold against me. but here i am, giving youu everyy opportunityy to use this against me. drama sucks. it reallyy does. &yet, it's everywhere i turn. sometimes, i wish that people could be less selfish and more sensitive. but then, other times, it seems like life is onlyy about gaining things. or at least that is what i'm shown. maybe theyy feel that if theyy don't rise above someone else, theyy are nothing??? &while these people are busyy gaining, theyy are also losing so much more. theyy lose who theyy trulyy are. &that makes me sad inside, witnessing the death of what i had always thought was beautiful. &i feel angryy that these people cannot see that their hunger for more is eating right through their true selves. don't misunderstand myy words. there is a difference between trying to gain more and following a dream. dreams are onlyy wishes that were never meant to come true. sometimes theyy do, but more often than not, theyy don't. dreams are lies we tell ourselves to believe in. dreams were meant to be felt, and sometimes even seen, but wishes were meant to create hope. &hope..hope is everything. hope means life to me. hope is the onlyy reason whyy i'm still here todayy...through hopes that everything will be okayy in the end. the times when i feel hopeless are also the times when i am at myy worst. heh. &now youu know when i am most vulnerable. most self-destructive. there is no such thing as false hope because even false hope is hope, as long as it is true in your heart. i feel like i can endure all the punches that life throws in myy direction, just as long as i have hope. kinda like in that one storyy about pandora's box. among all the sorrow and darkness and unhappiness in the box that was let out to the world, there was also hope to defeat it all. but when do i know to stop being so passive and fight back for all i've lost?? for what i want?? &without losing what i believe in as well?? when will i finallyy find the line between being nice and being smothered byy the heaviness of words unsaid?? there are times when i feel that fate has forgotten me.